It has struck me recently how aware I am of a little voice inside of me. Well, I should clarify that it’s not really a voice, rather snippets of wisdom that somehow float to the surface without my digging. What has struck me even more is how much I’ve come to trust this voice and let it lead my decisions.
Last night I came home from having dinner out with a friend to find an email from another friend sharing some left over thoughts about a telephone conversation we’d had earlier that day. I had shared some information with this friend that had made her feel vulnerable and she was filling me in on the circle of her feelings. I understood and honored where she was coming from, yet there was one thing that she said that was not attached to the issue that made me feel I was being attacked.
This is a friendship that I greatly treasure so I wanted to handle the situation with great care. I reread the email two or three more times and was able to clearly recognize that it was coming from a place of love. Yet there was a part of me that was asking if I should let this person “get away” with saying the thing that made me feel attacked without my addressing it. After all, my history is such that I do tend to like to have the last word. As I contemplated whether I should respond to this email or just wait to talk to my friend live as she suggested, I felt a very strong awareness of my inner voice telling me to just let it go. The voice told me that standing up on the soapbox of my ego was only going to make matters worse. I knew for certain that the voice was right so I listened. I closed up that email and let myself absorb what had just happened. I couldn’t recall having ever surrendered so effortlessly to a battle between my inner voice and my ego. I felt like I had finally grown up. I pondered then what had facilitated this. Was it a sign of how much I didn’t want to destroy this friendship or was it showing me how much I am evolving? Looking back the next day it feels like a combination of both. And I’ll take that.