a stubborn’s lesson in abundance

One of the biggest rewards I get from my work is hearing people tell me that I have somehow inspired them with a sense of hope and positive expectation. Yet the one drawback to what I do is that I need to make sure that I am always walking my own talk. Because my work is an expression of how I show up naturally, I usually am pretty good about this. Yet sometimes I catch myself with my pants down. Sometimes I need a good reminder to practice what I preach. It turned out to be one of those weekends where I needed to expand my own consciousness to accept the abundance that has been trying to make its way to me.

It started off on Saturday morning. I was lying in bed as I often do, acknowledging gratitude for the blessings in my life. Then like a crashing wave came a vision of such magnitude that I was moved to tears. I realized at that moment that either through fear or habit, I had been blind to the abundant gift of love and partnership that had come banging at my door. I recognized how hesitant I’d been to open it and invite it into my life. In an instant I had come to understand that in order to accept my gifts, I had to open my heart.

For the most part I’ve been a single woman for the past twelve years. I’m used to operating my life as a solo endeavor that runs the gamut from grocery shopping, housecleaning and garden work to business planning and marketing. Somewhere along the way I developed the belief that this venture of helping people to create change had to successfully come together all on my own.

Just shy of four months ago a man walked into my life who has thrown a wrench at this. He so supports what I am trying to accomplish with my business that he’ll do almost anything to help me. And while I was able to see this rather easily early on, what hit me this weekend was my awakening to how hesitant I’ve been to accept the abundance he represents. What helped me to get beyond my own fears was my getting the message that this relationship is a divine gift. I do feel like I am showing up for my life’s purpose now and clearly the universe recognizes that I need some assistance and support.

While I can see the practical purposes for this relationship, what touches me greater is the richness of the love I feel from it. It feels like my reward for having the faith that the universe would take care of me if I let go of my corporate job to follow the work of my heart.

So my lesson this weekend was the awareness that all this abundance was staring me in the face, yet I hadn’t really allowed it in my life because I hadn’t totally opened my heart to it. I’d been blocking my channel to receive. I’ve since made the mental shift to be open to its flow. The relationship has taken on a deeper meaning as I’ve recognized it as a gift the universe has wanted to bestow. Moving forward I’ll try not to get so much in its way.

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