anxiety

It was raining the other day when my husband returned home from a grocery shopping trip. I am so grateful that he does most of our shopping. I was downstairs in the kitchen when I heard Dean’s car drive up, and I opened the front door for him. He asked me to open the side door to the garage so that he could unload a couple of packs of water without tracking wet dirt through the house. Our plan was that he would hand me the burlap bag that contained the rest of the groceries before he came back through the side door of the garage.

Upon grabbing the burlap bag, he discovered that its bottom was seeping wet. One of the bottles of daily shower cleaner that he loves to use had somehow burst. There were three yogurt containers in the same bag that were victims of this moisture outburst. He handed me the wet burlap bag and I brought its contents into the house. I rinsed the yogurt containers in water and dried them. They still smelled faintly of the shower cleaner, and I wondered how safe it would be to hold on to them. I shared my concern with Dean, who is usually the one to express doubt. “Don’t worry. They’ll be fine,” he said.

I had put the three yogurts in a designated spot in the refrigerator so I could identify them in the coming days. Three days later I reached for a yogurt to top off my daily oatmeal and fruit bowl. I was aware that the container I picked up was from the shower cleaner incident. After placing a couple of scoops on top of the fruit, I tasted the yogurt on my spoon. I told myself it didn’t taste right, and I immediately launched into panic mode.

In my panic, I told myself that I had consumed yogurt contaminated by a cleaning solution. Immediately I felt nauseous and for a moment, frozen in a cloudy fear, imagining that I had been poisoned. Dean walked into the kitchen as I was scooping yogurt out of my bowl into the sink. I told him the sensations that I’d been experiencing. He took a scoop of the yogurt and said it tasted fine to him. While that gave me a sense of peace, I continued to clear my oatmeal bowl of that container of yogurt.

The Lesson

As someone who has experienced anxiety, this was a reminder of how quickly and powerfully my mind can take over if not directed by positive thoughts. At the same time, it’s a lesson on how much I can leverage the power of my mind to take me where I want to go, provided I work with it in partnership.

Last Saturday my husband Dean and I took a drive to visit a grocery store 22 miles from our home. It may sound crazy to drive so far, grocery shopping has become an outlet for enjoyment during COVID. Dean has a pre-existing condition, so we have been extremely cautious during this pandemic. Until we both have been vaccinated our joys will continue to come from simple pleasures.

It was a lovely day, yet it was difficult for me to relax and fully enjoy the ride. I was uptight. My body and mind were feeling uncomfortably anxious.

My Introduction to Panic Attacks

I was 30 when I experienced my first panic attack. I had recently moved to Boston from my native San Francisco. It was my second coast to coast move across the United States as an adult. I had no family or personal friends there yet. I was simply there for the job.

The panic attack hit me on a Sunday afternoon in early winter. I had set out to explore on a Greater Boston freeway that I had not yet become familiar with. There was no snow on the roads. It was just cold.

I do not recall feeling nervous about the drive. With a job that required business travel, I had grown comfortable being in unfamiliar territory on my own. Yet suddenly, a sensation came over me that I’d never felt before. My heart began pounding, my hands were sweating, and a sense of fear overtook me. I thought I was having a heart attack. I was afraid that I was going to die. I exited the freeway as soon as possible, finding my way back to my suburban apartment by back roads. I felt defeated but grateful to have endured a scary, unexpected time.

I have experienced these kinds of episodes on and off over the last three decades. I have gone years without a panic attack and have had years that were fraught with episodes. I have even had a handful that have landed me in a hospital emergency unit.

Solutions for Coping

I shared with Dean the anxiety that I was struggling with on the ride back home from the grocery store. He suggested that I consider starting to run again to release some of my anxiety. I had been a runner for 25 years until pain and injuries ended that chapter three years ago. I would do the elliptical machine at the gym until COVID led me to cancel my gym membership. I’ve been riding a spin bike regularly at home, but admittedly not pushing myself to elevate my heart rate.

The day after the grocery store trip I ventured to the high school track a mile away. I discovered that the track was not open to the public, so I cautiously jogged back home on the sidewalk.

I had forgotten what it felt like to be truly winded. My heart rate had not been elevated to that level in a year. When I got home, I felt happy and relaxed. The air of depression that had been hanging over me had lifted. That experience paved the way for me to learn how to better manage anxiety. I’ve since been pushing myself more on my spin bike as I await the delivery of new running shoes.

I believe that our thoughts are the driving force behind our experiences, making my issue with anxiety a challenge. I know how difficult it can be to stop the avalanche of fear during a panic attack. How do you bring yourself back to a sense of calm?

6 Tips for Anxiety Management

I am not a mental health professional nor have I had any formal training in anxiety. I simply want to share concepts that have helped me to better manage the impact of panic attacks.

Identify that what you are experiencing is a panic attack which you have experienced and lived through before
Acknowledge your power to control the sensations through deep breathing in the moments
Keep telling yourself that you are going to be okay
Minimize your caffeine intake
Keep your body hydrated
Identify a spiritual or human connection that you can call upon during times of need to calm your fears

Why I Share About Anxiety

I write about my anxiety because I want to remind others who deal with it that you are not alone. None of us is perfect in all ways. I like to think there’s a reason why I’m challenged with anxiety that is an asset to my greater being. And I think the same is true for you.

Please reach out if it this topic speaks to you. I would love to learn from you.

Digging for Meaning

Glimpses at Life in the Rear View Mirror

Never Underestimate the Power of Your Mind

Learning to Cope with Panic Attacks