Change

Breaking Misguided Beliefs: My Back Pain Story

/ Susan Hanshaw / Leave a comment

A young general practitioner pointed out the swayback curvature of my spine during a routine check-up. He said it may lead to back issues as I got older. I was 35 at the time and didn’t really appreciate that piece of data. Why worry about something that could be a possibility only years later? I was in the beginning throes of a painful divorce and was trying to entertain only positive thinking. Yet the seed from the doctor had been planted.

Should I look to my parents to guide my beliefs?

My parents both complained about back pain when they got older. My father suffered from chronic lower back pain. It was so bad that he was not able to stand fully upright once he approached his 80s. He started using a cane to walk before moving on to a rollator walker. I would catch my mother holding her hand against her back as if to protect it while she walked. Neither one of my two brothers ever mentioned back pain.

Accepting misguided beliefs without challenging them

I was 38 when I had anything resembling back pain. I had finished a 3-mile walk around a reservoir when I felt an angry tightness in my lower back. I held a couple of squatting poses to try to stretch my back, but the release was barely temporary. I wondered to myself if the back issue the doctor mentioned was now beginning.

Over the years I would come to have some back pain from time to time. But the incidents were always self-inflicted on my part. Sleeping on a bed with little or no spinal support. Having poor form while doing ab workouts with weights. Letting my hip flexors and hamstrings get so tight after indoor cycling that they caused strain on my lower back. Still, I was not aware that I had any control over the pain, so I didn’t try to challenge it. Episodes of soreness would then linger for days.

It’s hard to believe it took me so long to understand the connection between tight muscles and pain. It’s really no surprise, though. I never had the patience to stretch properly. Stretching bored me. Once my workout was done, I was always eager to move on with my day. I tended to rush through the stretching and stop the poses just as I hit a feeling of discomfort. So, I simply accepted the outcomes of my pathetic stretching habits.

Tight hamstrings ended my decades-long running pursuit. Whenever I set out to run in my late 50s, my hamstring would feel as if it were locking up. Sure, I tried to stretch that hamstring. But I did not do the research to learn how to stretch. Instead, I attributed it to aging and the misguided belief that there was nothing I could do to change it.

Breaking through those beliefs

This past year I developed a routine of indoor cycling 5-6 times a week for 50-60 minutes. During this time, I also became more consistent with my yoga practice. This helped me understand muscles are connected, and lower back pain could be caused by tight hamstrings and hip flexors.

How I broke through my beliefs about pain

I was doing more yoga, but not enough to resolve the mild lower back pain that would routinely hit me. Then one morning I was stretching after a 60-minute indoor cycle and caught myself flaking out on a hamstring stretch. Once I hit the point of what yoga instructors call “sensation”, I was ready to move on to avoid it. But this time I pushed myself a couple of extra minutes to get a thorough hamstring stretch.

I hadn’t given the stretching another thought until later that night. It suddenly dawned on me that I had absolutely no back pain. Zero. Nada. I knew right then that my often-nagging lower back pain was not old age setting in. Doing the work to stretch properly had enabled me to break through that belief. I was not destined to live with back pain.

I have had a few indoor cycle sessions followed by proper stretches since then. Still no lower back issues. Sure, I’ve felt a momentary tight spot here and there. But now I move my back in a way that feels restorative, and the tightness goes away.

My takeaway

For years I let the doctor’s warning define the expectations I had of my physical body. It took me awhile, but by finally listening to my body, I was led to the truth.

Listen to the truth comes which comes from within. Don’t give more authority to an external source that doesn’t know you like you know yourself.

What Happened When I Stopped Drinking Alcohol

/ Susan Hanshaw / Leave a comment

The intense pain in my upper body finally drove me to make an appointment with urgent care. It was the day after my 65th birthday, whose special plans had been ruined because I hurt so much.

It was late afternoon when I walked into the empty waiting room. A young nurse quickly called me in for care. She took my vitals before a somewhat gruff female doctor arrived and began asking questions about my condition. The radiating pain I was experiencing was hard to describe. Yet what the doctor was discovering seemed more vital to her than the body pain I struggled to articulate.

The diagnosis that changed things

‘Has anyone ever told you that you have an irregular heartbeat?” she asked after some probing.

“Uh…no,” I replied.

She instructed me to put my shirt back on before we walked down the hall to a small room. I was about to be given an ECG. The doctor and nurse worked together as they taped electronic sensors to my body. Within minutes the ECG was taken and the doctor’s suspicion confirmed. I was told my heart was in a state of atrial fibrillation—AFib for short.

The doctor explained that my diagnosis put me at risk for a stroke or heart failure. She said that this was something I needed to take very seriously. She recommended that I go to an emergency room right away.

I called my husband who had been waiting for me in the parking lot down the street. We were both in shock. I thought I was a specimen of good health. I’ve had a regular workout routine my entire adult life. I stopped eating red meat when I was 20. I typically abstain from fatty and processed foods. My diet in general was more heart-healthy than anyone I knew.

We arrived at the closest hospital and I was given another ECG on the spot. The emergency room procedure confirmed the findings of urgent care. Yep. My heart was showing AFib. It was now just a matter of going through the next steps.

The sobering question

I bounced from specialist to specialist in my early hours in the hospital. It was not difficult to recognize that there was one common question. How much alcohol did I drink?

Oh, God.

Wine has been as much a part of my life as working out for as long as I can remember. I’ve lived the majority of my adult years a stone’s throw from the Napa Valley and Sonoma Valley wine regions. In my world, drinking wine was synonymous with socializing. It was an action I didn’t think twice about. And I surrounded myself with people who were on the same page.

Drinking wine had also become an at-home habit. It had become a ritual that would symbolize the winding down of the day. It was a practice started when I moved to San Francisco as a single woman in my late 20s. It’s one I held on to for nearly 40 years, and made more pronounced with the onset of COVID.

The drinking alcohol ritual has got to go

My irregular heartbeat was treated with medication while I was in the hospital. I was told to expect that I’d have a procedure called a cardioversion before I was released. This procedure is designed to correct a heartbeat that’s too fast or irregular. Mine was both. The cardiologist warned that the procedure comes with some risks.

On my fifth and final day, my exit ECG showed my heart back to a normal rhythm. The cardiologist happily told me that I would be released without the need for the cardioversion. I was relieved and took note. I recognized that there was one constant in the lab that was my hospital stay. No wine. I saw it as a sign that I can support a healthy heart if I stopped drinking alcohol.

Benefits I’ve experienced since quitting alcohol

Roughly four and a half months have passed. I’ve had two cardiologist visits and zero wine. My cardiologist tells me that any amount of alcohol can trigger the AFib. He doesn’t tell me not to drink. It’s a choice I’ve been making for myself.

During this time I’ve realized how pervasive alcohol is in our society. It seems that everywhere I go lies the encouragement to indulge. Happy hour sandwich signs in front of restaurants. Friends wanting to meet over a drink. TV shows with scenes of people enjoying a glass of wine or cocktail. It’s now the holiday season and I’m getting gifts in the form of wine or champagne.

Yet I can say with certainty that I feel better than I ever have. This rings true physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Sure, I have my momentary longings. But for the most part, quitting has been far easier than I’d ever anticipated. The benefits far outweigh any fleeting desires. Here are my top three.

1. No more anxiety

This product of not drinking alcohol has made the most positive impact on my quality of life. I had suffered from occasional panic attacks for years. Decades actually. The isolation period of COVID stoked their frequency and intensity. To the point where I grew afraid of getting hit with panic when I was alone.

I learned to pick up a shopping cart as a crutch to walk from my car to the grocery store. I grew to become very anxious driving on the freeway. So I set my driving directions app to avoid freeways. I would practically beg my husband to go on walks with me because I was afraid to go alone.

It never dawned on me that there was a link between alcohol consumption and anxiety. Did my wine drinking cause my anxiety? Or did my anxiety cause me to drink more? In any event, my experience is that there is a relationship between the two. Because I have now joyfully taken the freedom back that I had lost to my anxious days. I’ve been enjoying miles-long walks by myself and I’m back to being comfortable driving on the freeway. Even in the dark and rain. My world has reopened!

2. Better sleep quality

My ritual for going to bed has changed completely since I’ve stopped drinking alcohol. I no longer need to drink a glass of magnesium to relax. Instead I slip under the covers enjoying a read until heavy eyelids tell me it’s time to sleep. I’ll turn out the light and lay there knowing that I’ll soon be snuggling into a healthy sleep. I wake up feeling refreshed. It’s so much easier to get out of bed. I now pop out of bed before or when the alarm goes off. No more falling prey to the snooze alarm. One buzz max and I’m up!

3. Weight loss

This is my favorite, and frankly, one that is a daily inspiration to keep saying no to wine indulgences. I don’t weigh myself so I can’t tell you precisely how much weight I’ve lost. But I’d give you a guesstimate of 12 pounds. Jeans I haven’t fit into for a handful of years are now roomy in places. On the surface, all a result of skipping the wine.

For years I brushed away the idea that alcohol was purely empty calories destined to add unwanted pounds. After all, I was a runner for a couple of decades. My pounding the pavement played a big role in burning calories. When my body told me I should stop running in my late 50s, body fat began making its unwelcome appearance. I blamed it all on menopause. Now I recognize that alcohol calories are as real as chocolate cheesecake.

Are you thinking about giving sobriety a try?

Dry January. Sober October. These challenges are designed to encourage people to improve their health and regain control of their drinking. Honestly, a year ago I didn’t think I had the fortitude to endure a month-long break from alcohol. So I didn’t even try. Now look at me.

Disclaimer: I want to preface this section by recognizing that some alcohol habits are products of addictions. I am not an addiction specialist and these tips are not appropriate solutions for every situation. They are simply mindsets and behaviors that helped me to break what was a habit-based lifestyle.

If you’re thinking about putting your toe in the water I have these two tips to offer you:

  1. It doesn’t have to be a forever commitment. You’re the boss. It’s up to you to decide when, if, and how alcohol will be a part of your life. It’s actually a great question for all of us.
  2. Find substitutes you enjoy to pour into your wine or cocktail glass. For my wine substitute I have discovered the Thomson & Scott brand Noughty. The ABV (alcohol by volume) ranges from 0.0% to 0.5%. My favorite is the sparkling chardonnay at 0%. For regular beverage treats, I’ve found a ton of non-sugar healthy options. My top choices are Spindrift sparkling water and Zevia natural flavored soda.

Why does my experience matter?

My biggest takeaway has been that I am not bullet-proof. I no longer view practical health advice that I don’t want to heed and ignore it like it doesn’t apply. I’ve now been shown my mortality and it has lit a fire.

Deep down I knew that my wine drinking was not good for my health. I can’t tell you if I didn’t stop because I didn’t want to, or if I thought that I couldn’t. In any event, I’ve now proven that neither one of those excuses are actually true.

Is there a habit that you have that you know is not good for you but you continue to embrace? Can you identify what are the excuses and what are the actual truths?

I’m here if you need support.

Now is the Perfect Time for Reinvention

/ Susan Hanshaw / 4 Comments
Two yellow flowers surrounded by rocks

It’s mid-July amid a summer unlike any I’ve ever known. Much of the state of California where I call home remains on COVID-19 lock-down. Nearly all of the social and recreational activities that usually shape my summers are now off limits.

No social gatherings of any kind. No hugging family and friends. No enjoying of life at restaurants and music venues. No getaway vacations. No gym classes or weight machines. No getting my hair cut and colored by a professional. No dressing up…for anything.

I have been looking at this pandemic period as a time to begrudgingly ride out the storm. Yet I realize now that life is not simply on hold.

We are all in a period of transition. We’ve left the known and are treading the waters of uncertainty about what lies ahead. We’re not really sure if we’ll be able to just pick up where we left off when “things settle down.” But is picking up what’s been your status quo really what you’ll want?

A Time For Reinvention

Each one of us has now been invited to reinvent our lives, one action, one alternative COVID-19 choice, at a time.

For those of us who have lost jobs or business, there is more time available to focus on that thing that you really want to learn, that business you’d love to start, or that person that you yearn to become.

Perhaps COVID-19 is your personal invitation to create this new change?

I know that I have been challenged to give myself permission to dream big, to believe that fulfillment of my deepest dreams are actually possible for me. I come from a blue collar middle class family and have accepted the belief all of these years that living below the radar in middle class was my destiny.

It wasn’t until I started reading recently about the early lives of some incredibly successful people and learned that many started out with nothing. That tells me that your history doesn’t dictate your destiny.

What I’m working on now is getting clarity on what I really want to create in my life. The hardest part for me is to allow myself the luxury of thinking big. I’m now telling myself that getting the clarity will require some time and disciplined focus. It won’t happen overnight.

I’ve been doing 5-12 minutes of ab exercises every night for the past 3 months thanks to some awesome instructors I’ve discovered on YouTube. I didn’t expect immediate results, yet I didn’t expect it would take this long to begin to see a vague resemblance of a six-pack. I guess that’s how I need to look at creating my ideal life—with dedication and the belief that I can change my status quo.

Everything Happens For A Reason

Purpose is a principle that drives my life. I am constantly looking to understand the purpose behind what just happened. I believe that our Universe surrounds us with wonder and that our day-to-day experiences are far from random events. Most of us just don’t pay close enough attention to receive the clues that are designed to guide us in the direction our hearts yearn to go.

If you were to believe that everything happens for a reason, is there something you can see that you are being invited to do during this time when the life you’ve known is no longer an option?

Be well,
Susan

Choosing Your Habits Can Be Easy

/ Susan Hanshaw / Leave a comment

This summer as we’ve been sheltering at home a male and female duck couple started coming around to our deck. And of course we fed them. Not bread though, because we learned bread fails in nutritional value. Instead, a mixture of dry oatmeal, tiny bits of organic rice cakes, and the ground peanut and sunflower mix. We fill the feeder for the doves, sparrows, blue jays and other birds who visit our trees.

Let me tell you. Word has gotten out about our food supply! The other ducks who hang out in our waterway have begun to stop by. The Canadian Geese who cruise by began to notice the ducks dining at our deck. Now they are stopping by. Tonight they brought their young children.

It’s been fun observing the behavior of these birds and recognizing how similar they are to humans. The male tends to make sure his female partner has had enough to eat before he eats. We see the birds nip at each other to fight for the ability of their loved ones to eat. They are social creatures who respond to the words of us humans who they are beginning to trust.

How Quickly Habits Can Form

What has fascinated me the most is how quickly the birds developed the habit of eating at our place. We see the birds once and then they return the next and subsequent days.

I relate this to new habits and beliefs that I have recently created in my own life. The most significant is how I can choose the thoughts and energy that I invite into my life.

I’ve recently developed the early morning habit of getting on my spin bike with an inspirational book on my iPad. Just like the ducks realizing how well this feeds me, it became a habit quickly formed. When I rise in the morning there’s no wavering. Whether it’s a 10 or 45-minute ride, spinning with positive thoughts is how I like starting each day.

For me this has been a lot more then an exercise in workout discipline. It’s been recognizing how good it feels to feed my soul. And how easy it can be to make that a habit. The key is telling myself that his is what I do.

The book that has been my morning spin companion this past week has been Change Your Thinking Change Your Life by Brian Tracy. One of my biggest takeaways is how important your choices are in how you spend your time as it relates to the goal of creating the life you want.

Every day is a new slate. Can you think of one new habit you’d like to make to take a step towards creating the life you want?

Be well,
Susan

You Always Have Choices

/ Susan Hanshaw / Leave a comment
You always have choices

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a situation that you didn’t really like, but you couldn’t see that you had any options except to remain on that path?

I have.

And I learned that feeling stuck was a message to me that my life was begging for change.

One thing I’ve learned recently is that all of my habits that formed my day-to-day life pre-COVID-19 were not iron-clad. I was forced to make a different choice…because the choice I was used to was no longer available.

And you know what? I’m happier for it.

I learned that I didn’t have to feel like I was a slave to the gym.

I learned that I could shop for groceries once a week instead of stopping several times a week just for a few choice items.

I learned that I could be more productive setting distinct goals for my work day at home than clocking in 8 hours in at the office without.

I learned that I am actually capable of coloring my own hair.

I learned that I don’t need to travel and have days and nights out on the town to feel gratitude for my husband and life in general.

I learned that phone calls with my family and friends could be far richer when I rely on non-physical means for our main connection.

I would have never considered I had these opportunities because my blinders were so fully set on the picture I’d created of my life.

As we all maneuver through the various challenges of the time, let’s consider these days as an opportunity to rebuild our lives in ways we never seriously pursued.

It’s a time ripe for reinvention. Let’s cherish the opportunity.

Take care.

Finding the Confidence to Show Up as Yourself

/ Susan Hanshaw / Leave a comment
confidence

I have been feeling antsy since the COVID-19 pandemic shut down the world around me as I know it. It’s not at all a feeling born out of boredom. In fact, I’m blessed to still be working and I have been finding many joys in living a simpler life.

Imagining the Role of Purpose

My feeling antsy stems from my mindset that I am always looking for the purpose behind events. I believe that we live in a universe that operates from a far deeper level of purpose than we typically credit.

For me, I’ve been feeling a nagging thought in the back of my mind over the past couple of months that there is something I am being called to do differently as a result of this crisis. I want to make a positive contribution to people’s lives as we endure this and beyond. Yet I have disappointed myself. I’ve done little to carry out what I want to do.

Getting in Touch with Obstacles

Today I got in touch with a theme in my life that holds me back from taking steps in important new directions. I haven’t given myself any leeway to just show up in any form without having a fully crafted plan on what I want to say or do.

My perfectionist tendencies have been holding me back.

There are areas in my life where I feel super confident and then there are places where I feel that I need to “practice” being me. For example, producing videos to promote the business I run with my husband. I’ve felt like I need to script everything before we shoot. Consequently, the shoots get flubbed by the fake sounding script memorization and nothing gets produced.

Other people show up comfortably for a video shoot. Why can’t I?

My Lesson Learned

I’ve realized that the best way for me to make a positive impact on others is to show up with my flaws. I just need to practice feeling more comfortable in front of the camera. And trusting my spirit to guide me as I begin to write without knowing where things will lead.

It’s not about knowing what the end game will be. It’s more about participating and believing that you will be led to the place that is uniquely right for you and what others can learn from your unique perspective.

There’s so much we can all learn from each other during this time. Let’s support each other in doing so.

Be well,
Susan

A Ritual for Becoming Who You Are Meant to Be

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During the dozen years I was single following a divorce in the mid-1990s, I enjoyed a New Years Eve ritual that I created which I called “my romantic night for one.” It included a healthy dinner, candles, soft music, champagne, and my special faux leapard skinned journal.

The highlight of the ritual was reflection. Part one of the reflection had me looking back on the year that was coming to an end, highlighting my most meaningful accomplishments. The highlights ranged from personal and professional to physical, emotional and spiritual.

With the highlights defined, I moved on to goals for my life. I kept a running list of previous goals, and would start by reviewing the existing list, crossing off goals that no longer resonated with me. I found this to be an enlightening exercise in seeing how what I value has changed. One example that stands out in my mind is when the chocolate brown Mercedes got axed from the list.

When my now husband Dean and I got together 13 years ago, he went along with the ritual, allowing me to lead us through the process. It was not what his first choice for the evening would have been, but he knew it was important to me. As our years together passed, we began to skip the ritual at times, mostly for social reasons. We’d tell ourselves we’d do it the next night, or during the coming weekend, yet we often didn’t follow through. Whenever we skipped the ritual I felt like I was starting off the year without a compass.

Dean was not feeling well on the New Years Eve that just passed, so we only made it to define our highlights for the year. While I’ve not yet documented my new goals, they are alive in my mind and I’ve been thinking about them.

Before I left the house for work this morning, I told myself that I must do something to make this year different–to take at least one step towards one of my goals. So I sat on the bed for a brief time and prayed that I could be open to guidance that will lead me to express more of what I am meant to contribute to the world.

I found that this brief focus made an impact on a couple of my choices today. I held love in my heart as I backed out of my garage while having to manuever around the multitude of construction worker trucks that challenged my exit. Later in the evening after spin class and dinner I was somehow led to feed this blog for the first time in nine months. It feels good.

It doesn’t have to be the beginning of a New Year for us to focus on becoming who we can be. What does that look like for you?

 

 

Gotta Have Faith

/ Susan Hanshaw / Leave a comment

“Faith is knowing that if you step off a cliff you will be taught how to fly.” – Author Unknown

Last night I was cleaning my wedding rings while standing at the bathroom sink. First I polished my square cut diamond engagement ring and put it safely back onto my finger. I reached for my wedding ring next, yet fumbled and watched it fall quickly into the sink and slip beyond the stop that I had foolishly left open. Uh-oh. What was I going to do?

I could see the small diamond chipped ring trapped in the metal basket that kept it from going down the drain pipe. But the stop didn’t open far enough to enable me to reach for it. For some reason I wasn’t panicking. Although I didn’t know exactly how to go about retrieving the ring, I felt the strong sense that I would get it back.

My husband Dean was downstairs watching TV while my little scene had been unfolding. I called down to him saying that I needed his help. He came to my aid and we tried a number of small tools to fish out the ring, but even a pair of tweezers was too big.

Dean remembered that we had some leftover wire sheeting that we had used for a DIY project a few years earlier. He ran down to the garage, got the wire sheeting, brought it upstairs to the bathroom, and started snipping away at it to mold it into a fishing tool. I was given the responsibility of shining the flashlight on the open stop while he diligently worked to pull my ring out from the basket. After much effort I watched Dean make contact with the ring and guide it through the opening before dropping it back into my hand. Success!

I have really been conscious lately of the influence that my thoughts have on what I ultimately attract as my experience. I didn’t know how we were going to get the ring back to safety, but I never wavered from the belief that we would.

I have to wonder if our final outcome would’ve been different if I had been crying or swearing from a place of fear, rather than feeling a calm sense of peace that everything was going to be okay.

7 Steps to Successfully Create Change

/ Susan Hanshaw / Leave a comment

This post is an excerpt from my book Inner Architect: How to Build the Life You Were Designed to Live.

I was overweight throughout grammar school and up until my second year of college. I grew up seeing myself as an overweight person. After numerous failed diets throughout the years, it became a stretch for me to consider that I would ever be anything but overweight. One morning when I was 19, I got out of bed anticipating a party that I was going to that night. I realized that I was sick of being overweight. I decided that I was willing to do what it took to change my weight. I took one day at a time, making healthy choices and changing the way I ate. Within a few months I dropped 40 pounds and changed my lifestyle forever. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was following the key to success in creating any change:

  1. Declare that you are no longer willing to tolerate a particular habit or way of being.
  2. Identify the specific things you need to do differently to change.
  3. Acknowledge that you are in complete control of your actions.
  4. Recognize the process of change as being day by day.
  5. Commit to making the desired actions for that particular day.
  6. If you fall down, forgive yourself and start fresh.
  7. At the end of each day, honor your ability to make the choice you want and create the change you desire.

Getting Rid of Your Shoulds

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I’m celebrating my 10-year anniversary of leaving a corporate job that no longer fit to go out on my own. The journey has brought a few twists and turns that I didn’t expect, plan, or want. But I remain grateful for where I am now and all of the life experiences and learning I gained when I made the decision to follow my heart.

I have discovered that my greatest handicap to living my full potential is getting beyond the beliefs about what I “should” be doing. I have allowed my life in many times to be directed by thinking that has become ingrained and which does not support the path that I’m committed to. Instead I strive to work on paying attention to where my body, mind and soul are leading me.

It’s easy to get so wrapped up with the day-to-day of what you’re doing that you lose sight of how you feel about it or if what you’re doing is really how you want to be spending your precious days here. I frequently recognize how I put my life on auto pilot, accepting it for what it is without even considering that it could or should be any different.

I think the answer lies in living day by day. Not waking up to each new morning buying into the belief that because it worked for me yesterday that it continues to be how I want to spend my time. It’s a raising of the bar of what I want to accept as my life experience.

I’ve made a vow to try something new. I’m going to give as much thought every day to how I’m spending my time overall as to what I’m going to choose to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Let me know if you want to join me.